THE ILLITERATE AND THE GOGGLE STORY

An illiterate village man who could not read and write, but often saw people wearing goggles for reading books, thought one day, “If I put on this kind of goggle  like these men, then I can as well read books. I must go get one for myself".

TELLING LIES JOKE

Two Christian missionaries, David and Michael, were lost in a scorching desert, dying of thirst and hunger when at last they saw a Mosque upfront.

THE GEENIE AND THREE WISHES

A manager,  his secretary and a sales representative are walking to lunch when suddenly the wind blows a balloon shape kettle cup down  to their end.  They caress it gently and in the twinkling of an eye a Genie splurge. The Genie says, ‘I’ll give each of you an opportunity to say whatever you wish, but just one wish.’ ‘Me first! Me first!’ says the secretary ‘I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.’ Puff! She’s gone.

BEAUTY CONTEST

A beauty contest competition was proclaimed to all the beasts of the forest, and  a royal reward  by Artemis the god of the beast was to be given to  the one whose offspring would be deemed the prettiest.

A PASTOR'S CONFESSION

Three men of God met and agreed to tell one another their bugging problem which must secretly be kept from others hearing.
The first pastor said “my problem is pilfering; I always steal from the church purse, please brethren I need you to pray for me.”

THE ILLITERATE DAD AND HIS SON

A school boy cried back home from school. The father met him crying on his way home and asked “son what happened to you?” “my teacher whipped me 10 strokes on my bum bum” said the little boy. “just like that? What did you do?’ asked  anxiously the father.  He ask me to spell a cow while he asked others to spell just simple ruler, pencil, and biro and I couldn't spell it because it was too big, cried this little lad.

THE LITTLE FAIRY

A couple were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary.

The husband presented his wife a beautiful old gold antique locket on a chain as a surprise package  

Amazingly when his wife opened the locket, a little fairy appeared.

THE MAID AND HER MISTRESS

A maid want her salary to increase.

Her boss who is a female ask her to give 3 reasons why she deserve such increment.

Maid: I can cook better than you.

Boss: what gives you that impression?

Maid: your husband said that.

Boss: okay,  give me the second reason?

Maid: I can Iron better than you.

Bold: who told you?

Wedding day

On a wedding day, a pastor asked the usual question;

Anyone who feels the couple should not be joined in holy wedlock should signify by raising his/her hand now or remain silent forever.

A man at the back seat raised his hand. Immediately the bride fainted and was rushed to the a nearby hospital.when she was revived the pastor asked the man in question;

“Excuse me gentle man, why did you raise your hand?’

  “I just wanted to tell you that we didn’t hear you from the back.’ replied the man.

Elephant

A female class teacher asks his students to name an animal that begins with an “E”. One little David raise his hands and said, “Elephant.”

The teacher asks for an animal that begins with a “T”. The same boy says, “Two elephants.”

The teacher got upset with that and sends the boy out of the class for bad behavior. After some seconds, she asks for an animal beginning with “M”.

and the same boy from the other side of the wall shouts: “Maybe an elephant!”

DEvil in the bar

The Devil walks into a crowded bar. When people noticed him,they all fled except this one old man. So the devil walks up to him and says" Do you know who I am?"  the old man looks at him, ignored him and sips his beer, he later answered "yep i know u more". The Devil says "Well, why aren't you afraid of me?" The old man looks over and says" I've been married to your sister for 27 years, why the hell should I be scared of you."

club girls

Two ladies were sitting and sipping at a club, one was beautiful and the other one was ug...
A guy walked up to the ugly one and said;
Guy; hello
Ugly girl; hi
Guy; wanna dance?
Ugly girl excitingly answered; oh! sure
Guy; ok go and dance i want to talk to your friend

Mr. mouthology

A Professor was traveling by boat. On his way he asked the sailor:
“Do you know Biology?",the sailor answered; No sir!The professor laughed,  and said 'you are a living dead boy".
After a while  he asked the sailor again, do you know Ecology? what about zoology, Geography, physiology?
The sailor said no to all his questions. The professor was so disappointed and scorned him saying;
What the hell do you know on earth. You will die in your ignorance...
But as nature would have it, storm caught up with them and the boat started waving and about to sink. The Sailor in turn asked the Professor, do you know swiminology & escapology from sharkology?
The professor said no i don't get you.
Sailor said “Well, sharkology & crocodilogy will eat your assology, headology & you will dieology because of your mouthology.

Moral;
Do not take unnecessary advantage over people even if you have an edge over them.

The wife and the blender

Husband; honey where are u?

Wife; sweety, am at home doing house chores.

Husband; are u sure?

Wife; o yea sweety, i'm sure

Husband; turn on the blender

Wife;( turns blender on) reeeereeeeree

Another day

Husband; honey where are u?

Wife; sweety, am at home.

Husband; are u sure?

Wife; o yea sweety, am very sure

Husband; turn on the blender

Wife;( turns blender on) reeeereeeeree

One day the husband decided to go home without informing her and met only his son and asked him. “Son where is your mother?

Son replied- ‘I don’t know she went out with the blender’

The pompous Snake without hand

A snake was boasting and shouting unnecessarily in a classroom of all other animals "i am poisonous, am poisonous, am poisonous and the senior prefect Mr bear snarled "audience class!
 if you know you are poisonous, raise your hands then..."

In case of temptation

 A man was going for a trip abroad and the wife assisted him to pack his belongings.

As he was about to leave, the wife handed him some packs of condom and said  “honey take this with you in case of any temptation”. "thanks very much dear you are the best woman in the world’. Said the husband!

As he was about to kick start the car, the wife came running, “honey please give me some, who knows I might also be tempted”

what will you do?

A packet of condom

A bachelor pastor, goes to a pharmacy shop to buy a pack of condom.

The pharmacist asks him to wait while he gets it for him.

while he was waiting, a member in his church also came to buy drugs. He greeted, “Pastor, good evening sir.”

“Good evening Brother jude, may the lord be with you. How are you?” the Pastor  asked.

As they were exchanging pleasantries, the pharmacist came with the pack of condoms and gives it to the pastor.

The member opens his eyes in shock and shouts, “Pastor even you!”

Embarrassed! Pastor shouted, “JESUS CHRIST!!! WHAT IS THIS??? I said COMBATRINE!!!

The Ebola Victim & d kidnappers

A man was kidnapped and taken to an unknown location.

The kidnappers beat him for a while and asked him, “Which of your family members should we call to pay the ransom.”

 “Did you just say family? asked the victim, as he breathes uncontrollably- All my family members had ran away after noticing that i was feeling feverish and vomiting blood, coupled with intense weakness of the body, muscle pain, headache and sore thro...

He had not even finish speaking before all the kidnappers jumped out of windows and fled for their life.

China Product

A Nigerian Lady got married to a Chinese guy and gave birth to a  son. unfortunately the baby died after some weeks of his birth.

While every one was sympathizing, the lady's mother started screaming all of a sudden, saying " i knew it! i knew it! perplexed by that, the sympathizers asked curiously, thinking she's going to confess she was the witch- "what did you know about the death of your grandson?" "i know china product don't last", answered the mother, "don't you see the  phones they produce."

HIV Vs Fake dollar

A man visited a prostitute and after sleeping with her, he paid her due and hurriedly  climbed down the stair case to board his car. While the prostitute stood at the balcony with a smile biding him bye, he kick-start his car and wound down the glass and told the prostitute that the dollar he gave her was a fake but to his surprise the lady was still smiling, believing she didn't hear him, he audibly said "i paid you with a fake dollar" and the lady replied"it doesn't matter, you equally contracted HIV AIDS"